the tsundere diaries
by GryfoTheGreat
Summary: Midorima Shintarou records his life, his loves, his loathes and his ingrained fear of his mother's cooking. No pairings.
1. in which a journal is begun

**A/N: Midorima is such a square, I love him. Writing in diary format is incredibly fun.**

**I will continue this, I think, but don't expect updates very often! Or romance. Don't expect any at all. Midorima isn't mature enough for that stuff.**

**I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.**

**Diary**** JOURNAL**

Property of Midorima Shintarou, esq.

'_Man proposes, God disposes.'_

KEEP OUT!

Takao, that includes you. You too, Kise.

**Day 1**

Oha Asa recommended beginning a journal. Am wondering if Takao has hijacked it.

Unfortunately, was not able to find journal. Had to buy diary. Said diary was also decidedly feminine. Mutilated cover with black marker. Much better, except it is now covered with demonic butterflies, as Takao got involved.

**Day 3**

Kuroko said something about statistics. As I am benched, will write this during training.

My name is, obviously, Midorima Shintarou. Green eyes and hair. Don't ask. Diagnosed with astigmatism.

Sixteen, six feet and five inches tall. Tall, but not like Murasakibara. Weigh twelve stone and six pounds.

Note to self: find out why people are measured in stones and feet. Imperial is rubbish, but somewhat more interesting than metric.

I like red bean soup, except when my mother is cooking it.

**Day 3, later**

Apologies. Coach needed pen, took mine, lost it. Am now writing with a purple one. Secretary hates me. Added to Revenge List.

Can play piano, due to snobby grandmother, also on revenge list. Personal favourite is Bach.

Am decent at shogi. Akashi is still far better. Akashi should also be in a mental institution.

Note to self: Akashi on anti-depressants? FIND OUT.

Am shooting guard on Shuutoku basketball team. Talent is perfect accuracy when shooting three-pointers. Orange jersey, number six. Orange does not like me or my hair. I do not like it back.

Hope to become either international-standard basketball player or doctor.

Am somewhat friendly with Akashi Seijuuro out of fear and Takao. No clue why.

Loathe Kagami Taiga. American idiot, as in that song. Also dislike song. Bad memories, due to hair colour.

**Day 5**

Am only child. Live in average house with parents.

Mother, Midorima Kaori, neé Morikawa, forty six. Light green hair, gray eyes. Absent-minded. Cannot cook. Professor of Ancient Japanese Literature at Tokyo U.

Father, Midorima Saizou, forty four. Dark hair, now greying. Easygoing. Cannot cook. Retired microbiologist. Uses wheelchair.

Parents are sickeningly in love. Grandparents distant due to pride. Dislike them.

Pet budgerigar, Kou. Green and yellow plumage. Has bowel problems.

**Day 8**

Oha Asa said to tell somebody something they don't know about themselves.

Called Kise. Told him he was a moron. Said something about sticks and rectums and hung up.

Called Aomine. Wish I hadn't. I pity Momoi.

Called Kuroko. Said that he knew he was a terrible basketball player. Pleasantly surprised. Told me to tell his coach that she is madly in love with Hyuuga Junpei.

Did so. Looked at me for a few seconds, started crying, told me to fuck off. Did so.

Later saw her and Seirin's Shooting Guard in middle of heated discussion.

Think Takao is broken.

**Day 11**

Mother tried to make sweet and sour today.

Do not think wasabi belongs in sweet and sour.

Currently sympathising with Kou.

**Day 12**

Lucky item was a bowl.

People began to call me 'Kappa.'

Am not planning on playing basketball with a bowl taped to my head ever again.

**Day 16**

Noticed Pocari's nutritional contents. Shuddered. Sticking to canned bean soup, even if Takao thinks it's disgusting.

**Day 18**

Met Kuroko and Kagami while trying to find decent food. Cannot survive on mother-issued rations.

Kagami asked me why I had a pinwheel in my pocket. Kuroko glared at him.

How does one eat so many burgers?

On the other side, vanilla milk shakes are quite nice. Have not revealed this to Kuroko. Unfortunately, think he knows.

Note to self: investigate telepathy. Believe Kuroko is a practitioner.


	2. in which a dress is worn

**A/N: Welcome to 'Shin-Chan's Nyan Nyan Meido Revenge!'**

**No, seriously.**

**I own nothing, except maybe the image of Takao in full neko-meido getup, as I couldn't find any fanart on Google Images. Feel free to draw some. CROSS DRESSING GO~**

**Day 21**

Have to buy new glasses again.

Takao decided to throw a basketball at my face while I was trying to keep the first year items away from my lucky item (a PSP with Tokimeki Memorial in. No clue.)

He says he didn't throw it, that my face got in the way. As I am roughly seven inches taller than him, this is an impossibility.

Currently plotting revenge.

**Day 22.**

Bought new glasses. Tasteful, lime green interior, ¥ 15,000. Not bad for my prescription.

Hunted through Akihabara for a maid outfit made for men. Surprisingly, received no weird looks.

After finishing this milkshake (vanilla), I am buying cat ears and matching tail.

**Day 23**

Mother found me going through her underwear drawer.

Slightly traumatised, but managed to get the stockings.

Dignity, however, has been shredded by mother's tearfully happy acceptance of my preferences, and her revelation that she will always love me, no matter what.

Told her it wasn't like that. Predictably didn't believe me.

Note to self: get therapy. Did not need to know that mother still wears thongs.

**Day 24**

Plan almost perfect. After The Stockings Incident, decided to turn to Momoi rather than my mother for help.

Procured black high heels. Woman is resourceful.

Simply require cooperation from Takao's crush.

**Day 25**

Previously mentioned crush helped almost immediately. Despite Kise's claims, am quite liked among student populace, and thus am recipient of many a one-sided infatuation, this girl included. Something about glasses and my eyes.

Will admit, am handsome bastard.

Perfect revenge. Very satisfied.

**Day 26**

Success! Warrants exclamation mark. In fact, may use one more!

Video footage of Takao wearing a full maid outfit, complete with high heels, fishnets and cat ears, saying 'Moe moe, kyun!' in a high pitched voice while making a heart shape with his hands now viral on Nico Nico and basketball community.

Make up was nice touch. Quite like that girl.

Plan cost almost as much as glasses, but no matter. Father enjoys hiding money in my room. Seem to enjoy putting it in my schoolbooks. Think he's going senile.

Midorima: 1

Takao: 0

Am happy enough to use an emoticon.

:D

**Day 27**

MIDORIMA SHINTAROU IS A DOUCHEBAG WITH A TINY DICK.

FUCK HIM.

HE'LL NEVER GET A GIRL, MUCH LESS A BOY.

ALSO: I DIDN'T KEEP THE COSTUME, SHITFACE.

-Takao Kazunari

**Day 27, later**

Please ignore the earlier entry. Takao-'chan' stole the 'Demonic Butterfly Journal', as my teammates have christened it, from my bag.

Akashi said he was proud of me. Currently scared and pleased at same time.

And yes, he did keep the dress.

Dreading explaining loss of stockings to mother.


	3. in which a reunion is held

**A/N: I figured out that I characterize Midorima as a younger, less snarky, but more hot headed Colonel Jade Curtiss. Quite accurate, no?**

**Also: I will be opening prompts from this chapter on!**

**Basically, in your review give me a prompt, like: 'Midorima catches his mom reading 50 Shades of Grey' or something like that. I ****won't accept pairings****, but I will accept friendship, like Midorima/Kise or Midorima/Takao. Finally, keep it T-rated.**

**Enjoy!**

**Day 30**

Lucky item is earrings.

No. Am not Kise.

**Day 30, later**

Kise stopped by. Gave me pair of clip-on earrings.

Said he knew I was too much of a pussy to get ears pierced.

Gave him dirty look, took earrings. Asked why listening to Oha Asa.

Said something about his friends being curious. Friend kicked him; said Kise was being sappy idiot and looking out for me.

Quite like said friend. What was his name? Hamamatsu?

No, that's a city. With motorcycles.

Feel like idiot wearing these. At least they're not orange.

**Day 30, even later**

Yukio Kasamatsu. That's his name. Kise says that Kasamatsu enjoys kicking him.

Shouldn't everybody?

**Day 30, later than later**

Contrary to Kise's claims, am not interested in Kasamatsu.

Simply hate not knowing people's name, esp. after Kagami incident.

**Day 30, ridiculously late**

Why won't Kise stop leaving x's?

**Day 31, barely**

DIE.

**Day 32**

Unfortunately, met Aomine today while shopping.

Spent half hour debating basketball shoes. Quite enjoyable. Personally prefer Gils. Aomine preaches about Air Jordans regularly.

Was interrupted by Momoi. Apparently Aomine abandoned her at third jewellery shop.

She is still very good at crocodile tears. Gave out to Aomine on her behalf, but probably would have done so anyway.

Guilt tripped him into buying us food. Have escaped again from mother's meals.

Aomine asked how bad she is. Told him to imagine Seirin's coach and Momoi, multiplied.

Momoi, again, still very good at crocodile tears. Let her wear my glasses in return.

Fell off chair while panicking due to blindness. Not good.

**Day 32, later**

Momoi has definitely grown.

**Day 34**

Met, of all people, _Murasakibara_ in local konbini while buying fish shaped anpan.

Said he was visiting aunt, renowned chef. Also that this konbini is only one that stocks fried squid crackers.

Urgh.

Had a friend with him, Himuro something. Tetsuya? No, that's Kuroko.

Knows Kagami. Poor thing.

Tatsuya. That's it.

Played one on one with him. Won, but not by much.

Said my glasses looked like ones belonging to his friend, Alex. Proceeded to laugh himself silly at myself and Murasakibara's attempt at saying Alex.

I hate x's. Especially Kise's.

**Day 36**

Is this Generation of Miracles reunion week?

Akashi visited. Beat me seven times while playing shogi.

Bastard.

He and mother had heated discussion over Sengoku literature.

He left before she broke out the baby pictures of me dressed as Nobunaga, thank god.

**Day 36, later**

Kuroko dropped in. Gave me a cake. Apparently Kagami heard from his friend that I hadn't eaten in a day.

Had to say thank you. Hatred.

Kuroko brought his dog with him. Father adored him, as did mother. Is planning to donate my old Nobunaga costume to Testsuya # 2.

Am still allergic to dog hair.


	4. in which backflips are attempted

**A/N: Backflips? Really, Takao?**

**You get two mini chapters this time round, rather than one, because they don't exactly gel very well.**

**Also, prompts are still open!**

**I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.**

**Day 39**

Ashamed to state that I spent practice attempting to do backflips.

Am determined to learn how, as Takao can. Anything he can do, I can do better.

Ashamed to state that am doing same thing tomorrow.

**Day 40**

Using practice mats was remarkably good idea, but still think have dislocated pelvis.

**Day 41**

Ears are in agony, due to using elastics to keep glasses on while doing backflips.

Takao will not win this.

**Day 42**

Writing this in detention, without Takao, who has long gone home.

Good news: succeeded in performing backflip!

Bad news: broke principal's nose while doing so.

Added to Revenge List, which is now three pages long.

**Day 43**

Parents, instead of treating detention as crime, are congratulating me. Think they think it is rite of passage.

Am obviously adopted.

**Day 46**

Aomine, Kuroko, Kagami and Kise all came to school to laugh at me.

Gave them the finger, but was caught by teacher.

More detention. School is too strict.

**Day 48**

Freedom!

Actually gave teacher the finger this time, but was not caught, as am amazing.

Takao apologised. Bought me more food, as he has tasted mother's cooking.

Saw Akashi and Kuroko out together.

?


	5. in which a mystery is solved

**A/N: You will need a very, very basic understanding of Sherlock Holmes to get this chapter.**

**I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.**

**Day 49**

Takao is calling me Shintarou Holmes.

Whatever. Am determined to find out why Kuroko and Akashi are even talking.

Have christened him Kazunari Watson.

**Day 51**

Have new partner.

Bumped into Kagami while trailing Kuroko.

Yesterday yielded nothing, as Kuroko did not leave house. However, today saw him going towards public courts.

Saw Kagami behind bush. Apparently, he was hiding.

While talking to Kagami, lost track of Kuroko. Blame him.

Takao and Kagami far too friendly.

**Day 51, later**

Takao calling Kagami Taiga Lestrade.

This is going too far.

**Day 53**

Have solved mystery!

That is my fourth exclamation mark. Despicable. Must limit self.

Saw Kuroko in library while taking out _The Hound of the Baskervilles_. Watson and Lestrade were busy with sports annuals.

Asked him why talking to Akashi.

Kuroko said that Akashi had wanted to know how Kiyoshi Teppei was doing.

Told him to tell Kiyoshi to hide. Replied that he had done so.

Had to rescue the two idiots from the Mills and Boon section. By then, Kuroko, predictably, had disappeared.

**Day 53, later**

Akashi just texted.

Told me to stop trying to be a detective, that he knew all along, and that he saw my hair miles away.

Typical.

Note to self: Akashi also telepathic? Was meeting with Kuroko due to that? FIND OUT.

Takao now calling Akashi Seijuuro Moriarty.

Kuroko now Tetsuya Adler.

**Day 54**

Lucky item today was deerstalker hat.

Think world hates me.


	6. in which fathers are explained

**A/N: Okay, this chapter is more serious, but it's either this or a really violent Makoto Hanamiya fic.**

**This is it for a week! I'm going to Barcelona for a holiday. It'll give me a chance to recharge, at least. Don't worry, I'll be writing! What you'll get will either be well thought out and humorous, or will be the insane result of too much food and sunstroke.**

**What? I'm Irish. We get as much sun as snow-which is to say, virtually none. Plenty of rain, though, but never thunder and lightning. :(**

**I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.**

**Day 56**

Spent entire day gardening with father.

Actually, I gardened. He watched, as is confined to wheelchair. Not his fault, but still annoyed.

Never going to get all the dirt out from under nails.

**Day 57**

Gardening again; apparently, rose bushes infected. Don't know how.

Note to self: can plants vomit? FIND OUT.

Mother debating beginning vegetable garden. Am debating running away from home. Mother and food agree about as well as Kagami and Aomine.

**Day 58**

Hate slugs with a passion. Why do they exist? Why does father insist on not using pesticides?

Am thinking of covertly buying slug pellets and scattering them in garden.

Hope the little fuckers die slowly, painfully, and gruesomely.

**Day 59**

Takao helped me today. Said he was sick of me whining.

Worried for father. Mother in love with Takao.

Takao seemed awkward. Wonder why?

Will ask him now, as he is still here. Am writing this in bedroom while Takao sucks up to parents.

**Day 59, later**

Am complete idiot.

Turns out Takao didn't know of father's status as paraplegic.

More later.

**Day 59, even later**

I'll elaborate.

Father was born perfectly functional; in fact, too functional. I received brains from his side, looks from mother.

Father worked as virologist in laboratory. Was driving home from work late one night, and collided with drunk driver.

Drunk driver escaped unscathed. Currently in prison, as he should be. Father in coma for two months. Woke up with damaged spinal cord, and hasn't walked since. Had to retire and move to more suitable house.

Mother cried for weeks.

I was thirteen.

Am more used to wheel chair now. Used to loathe it.

He doesn't mind it anymore. Enjoys racing, usually with his sister pushing pram and me pushing him. No idea how we're related.

Still hate hospitals.

**Day 61**

Takao apologised to me properly today. Told him not to worry; entire Teikou team did exact same thing.

Asked me why carrying umbrella. Told him it was lucky item.

Actually, father gave it to me in case of rain.

Soppy idiot.


	7. in which a picnic is held

**A/N: I'm baaack~ Barcelona was very sunny, quite fun, and rather weird.**

**I'm restarting school tomorrow. Really not looking forward to it as, unfortunately, my classmates are complete tits, but I should get plenty of material from them!**

**Also; I meant to write this in the first chapter, but I'll stick it in now. This story was hugely inspired by smartalker's amazing fic _exclamations of the irate_. If you like _Tales of the Abyss_, go read it. If you don't, go read it anyways.**

**I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.**

**Day 62**

Lucky item was flip-flops.

Luckily enough, had no school and weather was decent.

Conversely, flip-flops had flowers on, and was too lazy to buy normal ones.

Note to self: Why are flip-flops called flip flops? FIND OUT.

**Day 64**

Had swinging contest with Takao in park.

Won, but fell off swings while attempting to get off. Also had to reclaim swing set from children. Felt guilty...well, not really.

Takao is currently caught in the chains of swing. Have decided not to help. Currently pointing and laughing at him from safe distance.

**Day 65**

Hate communal dressing rooms.

Takao, who shall be henceforth known as 'That Son of a Bitch', decided to get his revenge for The Park Incident. He and Otsubo stole my clothes and left heart print boxers behind.

Girl's team practice after us. Had to walk across court half-naked while wearing novelty underwear. However, heard several exclamations of 'ABS!', so somewhat satisfied.

Again, will admit, am handsome bastard.

**Day 67**

Team just figured out my proficiency at piano.

Was dragged into music room and forced to play Traumerei.

Think Miyaji cried.

**Day 69 (OH FOR GOD'S SAKE)**

Was dragged on a picnic today by Kagami, who said something about 'help me why.'

Found myself in park, which was nice.

Also found myself in company of Kuroko, Aomine, and Kise, which was not.

Played street ball against some stupid strangers. Crushing them was very enjoyable.

Kuroko was strangely proud of the boiled eggs, as he made them.

Kagami is far, far better cook than mother. Considering begging him to give her lessons. That is how desperate I am for edible sustenance.

Kise brought several boxes of chocolates from admirers. Said he couldn't eat them all, as he wasn't a brute like Kagami. Agreed, but ate them anyways, after Kagami had finished trying to use our heads as basketball hoops.

Predictably, Aomine spiked the drinks. Personally did not drink any, but still had to escort Kise home and stop him from aggravating the hoboes and trying to kill several benches. Kuroko was meant to help me, but lost him after the third tree Kise molested.

Currently wondering how we all qualify as being part of the same species.

**Day 70**

Oh, god.

The water was pure vodka.

Is this what a hangover feels like?

Never drinking again.

**Day 70, later**

Okay, so probably will ingest alcohol in future, but point stands.

Aomine going on Revenge List for nineteenth time.


	8. in which hamsters are adopted

**A/N: I am really sorry for abandoning this, but there was school, and Royai, and Snow enjoying STEELGUARD!**

**And, of course, the Rakuzan v Shuutoku match happened. They were never gonna win because plot, but it was still pretty sad.**

**To all the people that reviewed; thank you! You have no idea how much your feedback means to me, especially when life decides to be a dick.**

**I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.**

**Day 75**

Akashi has decided that he is becoming a rap artist, except every single work of his will be in iambic pentameter.

What.

**Day 75, later**

And now he wants me to help him.

Why can't his new team-mates take care of him? Do they not realize that if they don't give him a Rubik's Cube to solve every week he goes insane?

**Day 75, even later**

Kise blames it on my maternal instincts.

Am not even going to dignify that with a response.

**Day 76**

Have figured out why Kagami eats so much.

He spits out half of it while he's eating.

It is quite like being sand blasted with the remnants of a day at McDonalds.

No wonder Kuroko always sits next to him.

**Day 79**

Why?

Science teacher did chapter on reproduction today.

**Day 79, later**

No, Takao, I do not have a problem with that.

It was coincidence that the teacher looked at me while discussing that.

_**Day 79, why the fuck can't he just write the day of the week like a normal person?**_

_Since Shin-chan is too embarrassed to explain, I, the amazing Takao will;_

_Hamaura-sensei was discussing the connection between the bladder and the seminal glands, and reassured us that you can't pee with a...well, you get what I mean._

_Except she said it to Shin-chan._

_Green and red don't go together so well, you know?_

**Day 80**

Have finally retrieved journal from beneath boy's toilet stall number four.

Disinfected thoroughly, but cover is slightly damaged (not that it wasn't already) with bleach, as are my hands.

It hurts to do everything, but people pee in the sinks in that place.

**Day 81**

After seeing results of bleach, used it to kill Aomine's jersey.

He deserves it. Did not need to get grilled by my parents about teenage drinking. I know for a fact that Dad got stoned at a concert when he was my age.

**Day 82**

Yes, that spot over there is blood.

Aomine tried to kill me with journal, as bleach managed to get on his hair as well. Incredibly vain of him, but found it very funny to watch Kise cry when Aomine yelled about dumb blondes.

Think I need to get new friends. Almost choked on a piece of Hello Kitty candy last time I talked to Murasakibara.

**Day 85**

Kise has sent me forty-five texts in the past three days, solely containing the phrase 'no homo.'

I worry for him.

Well, not really.

**Day 86**

Have spent the pats day in an animal rescue centre.

Also, fostered a hamster named Kasimir, which is a better name than his previous (Mutt. I don't know either).

Hoping Kou and Kasimir will get along, if only so that I don't have to explain all the blood.

Amount of 'no homo's today: 13

**Day 86, later**

Let Kou out of his cage to introduce him to Kasimir. Promptly pooped on my head.

Total amount of 'no homo's today: 28

**Day 87**

WILL

KISE

STOP

Total amount of 'no homo's today: 35

**Day 89**

Mother saw the 'no homo's.

Gave me the acceptance speech again.

Kasimir is currently sitting on my SIM card. Hoping he will pee on it, or something of the sort.

**Day 89, later**

Interesting fact: Baby hamsters are called pups. The collective noun applied to hamsters is 'horde'.

Can a male rodent adopt a small piece of plastic? FIND OUT.

**The sad bit is that some of this is based on real life.**

**Please, review, even if it's just to give out to me about the delay. **_**~Gryfo**_


	9. in which idiots are kidnapped

**A/N: Predictable Hallowe'en update ahoy! Only, of course, with not-so-predictable costumes.**

**If you catch a reference to a new videogame or to a certain iconic horror movie, you're awesome!**

**Enjoy! And, of course, happy Hallowe'en!**

**I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.**

* * *

**Day 92**

Received a call from Takao this morning, as have replaced SIM card and thoroughly scared Kise, through the use of his senpai and a large baseball bat.

He informed me that Hallowe'en takes place in a week, and 'have you any idea what you will dress up as?'

I do not dress-up for Hallowe'en. The last time I did, I was thirteen and dressed up as a basketball player, which doesn't even count, because I was coming home from training. I didn't even get any candy; Murasakibara took everyone's and passed out from a sugar induced coma halfway home.

Hung up on Takao.

**Day 93**

Kuroko called over, bearing a carrot cake, which my mother took with thanks. Forgot that Kuroko's mother, who is simultaneously a health nut and a sugar addict, is an amazing baker.

Kuroko didn't talk for about ten minutes, which is normal. He broke said silence by asking me if he could borrow my old black maneki neko, if I wasn't using it.

Completely baffled. Told him yes.

He took the cat, and was about to leave, but the Bulls game came on, so we got distracted, watched that, and almost broke the TV. He left just before my mother served dinner. Sneaky bastard.

**Day 94**

Murasakibara asked if my father has a spare wheelchair.

He does, but it is somewhat broken. Said he didn't care, that he could fix it.

Gave wheelchair to his friend with the beauty mark.

Why on earth does Murasakibara need a wheelchair? Yes, he's as lazy as sin, but that doesn't make too much sense.

**Day 95**

Aomine came over. Said he wanted to see my mother's collection of weapons and armour.

Didn't know he knew about them. No one really does, as they are slightly illegal, but mother keeps them anyways.

Spent about a good hour picking through the stuff with him. Eventually, he seemed to find what he wanted (two slim knives, two wrist metal wrist protectors, an axe, a bow and a quiver), and then managed to sweet-talk my mother into giving him them.

Currently wondering why on earth we armed Aomine, but have decided that if he gets dangerous, will force-feed him my mother's latest attempt at omurice.

**Day 96**

Kise called me, and asked if I could get him some blood.

Passed him onto dad and hid in my room, and attempted to teach Kou how to say 'Kise is a eunuch.'

Am quite certain Kise isn't a vampire. He doesn't sparkle in the sun or anything. Besides, he's much too happy to be an angsty teenage monster.

**Day 97**

Received the pleasure of a visit from Akashi, who coerced me into helping him make nine fox tails.

Hoping it is simply for a project of some sort, and not a demon-summoning ritual, because that would be so Akashi it would be terrifying.

Akashi also spent a better portion of his time attempting to communicate by barking.

He is, quite simply, _barking mad_.

Oh, I make myself laugh.

**Day 98**

Kagami needed to borrow Kou.

Asked him why.

He just looked at me as if I were a moron, and then said 'Figure it out, fuckface.'

Hope he gets avian flu, or maybe that he gets pooped on. Kou does have a very instable bladder.

**Day 99, Hallowe'en (like I care)**

Hmm. No one's turned up yet. Very peaceful...

Wait.

What's that?

It sounds like foot-

HELP-

**Day 99, later**

I am an idiot.

Turns out that everyone needed dot borrow things from me in order to make their Hallowe'en costume

Kuroko is a witch. He's meant to be a wizard, but what he's wearing looks like dress, so he's a witch.

Kagami is dressed up pirate. He has the hat and everything. He and Kou are currently insulting each other. If Kou has an American accent by the end of this, I will kill Kagami with his plastic sword.

Murasakibara has decided to be Stephen Hawking, except he keeps getting up, so it's more like Stephen Walking.

Get it? HAHAHA.

His friend with the beauty mark is dressed up as a nurse-a female one.

Aomine is apparently one of those assassin people from that videogame. He's fairly fucking scary, except he can't do an Italian, Eastern or a Native American accent to save his life, and he keeps accidentally hitting himself with the axe.

Momoi is 'dressed' up as a slut. She says she's a bunny, except she's showing more skin than fur, so I think she's just a slut.

Kise is currently wearing a pink dress, a wig and a tiara. His friend Kazunari, who is a very bored American football player, is pouring water with red food dye in over him at regular intervals. Turns out that father wouldn't get him the blood. Kise is also screaming a lot. He sounds remarkably feminine.

Akashi is wandering around the place dressed as a kitsune. His eyes keep flashing, so it's fairly convincing, but the tails keep falling off.

As for me?

I'm a penguin. With a tutu.

I'm a _ballerina fucking penguin_.

Takao has an insane amount of white fur draped over himself, along with a flamenco skirt. He claims to be a Spanish polar bear, except I think he just looks like an idiot.

**Day 100, barely**

Fireworks!

What? Everyone likes fireworks.

The bonfire is also exceptionally large this year. Am considering throwing Takao in, but...

Well.

This isn't too bad, the whole 'Hallowe'en with my friends' thing, as long as Muraskaibara doesn't take my sweets.

I' m not going to tell them that, of course. They can figure it out themselves.


	10. in which diaries are defiled

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING. Just...you'll be getting another update soon, continuing on from this mini chapter.**

**To everyone who has reviewed: asdf THANK YOU. You have no idea how happy it makes me that I can actually make people laugh. To everyone else who's put this/me in their favourites or on alert, thank you as well! I'd love to hear from you guys too; don't worry, I don't bite!**

**Be warned. The forthcoming chapter contains copious amounts of Kise writing like an annoying teenage girl. Really, he's a genius, but he pretends to be stupid to piss Midorima off, unlike Aomine, who is legitimately an idiot and cannot tie ties.**

**I have no idea where the tie thing came from. But you know he can't.**

**I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.**

**Day 103**

Social studies.

Pointless, pointless class. Usually just spend it doing science instead.

However, school has taken on a few trainee teachers recently, one of which has been assigned to teach 1-1 social studies.

This is bad.

Very bad.

**Day 103, later**

Okay, so class was not about relationships and puberty. Thank every deity in existence.

Was instead about responsibility and taking care of family.

Doesn't sound too horrible, but Ms. Hanakawa spoke of a project. Reassured us it would be enjoyable.

Am waiting in fear for next class, which is in one week.

**Day 106**

Kise STOP TEACHING KOU SWEAR WORDS.

STOP.

**Day 106, later**

Why is the Yellow Menace here anyways?

Why are all my friends both clinically insane and named after the colour of their hair?

Excepting Kuroko, but Kuroko generally doesn't count anyways.

_**Day 106, and even more later HAHA GRAMMATICAL ERRORRS WHEEE**_

_Midorimachiiiii~_

_Your diary still isn't interesting! Booooooring! It needs more illustrations! Books are only interesting with illustrations!_

_And Kou needs to learn easy words! Swear words are easy! He says duck instead of fuck though! I think that's cute~ Almost as cute as Midorimachi~_

_As for the colour thing...?_

_OMG I neeeeever thought of that._

_Maybe it's a conspiracy! By the Illuminati! Or those people from The Da Vinci Code with the spiky leg thingies!_

_Anyways, I drew this for you~_

B======D

_Bye bye~_

**Day 107**

Just found my diary.

He drew a dick in my diar-journal..

He DREW a DICK in my JOURNAL.

MY JOURNAL.

Excuse me.

**Day 107, later**

Kazunari snuck into the boy's showers during practice for me and put pink dye in Kise's (horse) shampoo.

Seriously, horse shampoo. Scary.

Apparently, Kazunari has suffered under the yoke of blonde, airheaded friendship for too long.

Looking forward to Kise's face.

**Day 108 (coincidence? I think not)**

HAHAHAHA!

Kise's strawberry blond phase is all over the social networks.

Revenge is sweet.

Very pink, too.


	11. in which jokes are poached

**A/N: Just... puns. Everywhere. I didn't intend for this to happen, but it did.**

**We actually did this upcoming task in our school, for SPHE. Nobody's survived, but we all passed, anyways.**

**I do not own Kuroko no Basuke.**

* * *

**Day 110**

D-Day has arrived.

Wish me luck.

**Day 110, later**

AN EGG

WHAT

WHAT

**Day 110, even later**

_This entry has been erased by Tetsuya Kuroko. Don't worry, you aren't missing anything important, just a lot of rage. And swearing._

_On second thought, I, Kuroko, am probably doing you a favour._

**Day 111**

Must remember to thank Kuroko for that. Such a display of impotent rage is pathetic, and shall not occur again.

It probably will, but that is beside the point.

What is actually on the point is the project class 1-1 has been assigned for Social Studies.

We have to mind an egg.

For a week.

If we fail at this task, we fail aforementioned subject.

_what_

**Day 112**

Mother has already tried to boil it.

After I intervened, she gave it facial hair and christened it Benedict Baffetti.

Not asking.

**Day 113**

The ranks have been culled. Five ovum have lost their lives. That was not a typo.

Takao has named his Bom-Chicka-Wah-Wah. Incredibly, obnoxiously annoying, as keeps singing song.

Have threatened to crack egg over head, but was been informed that eggs are in fact conducive to hair health. Threatened to not crack egg over head. Takao just high-fived himself.

This is eggscruciating.

**Day 114**

Some girls (chicks?) have obtained tiny wigs and bows and put them on their eggs, invariably called Easter. Assuming this is in order to get a grade A.

Several misinformed vegetarians have been complaining. Fujiba-sensei yelled that they're 'NOT FUCKING FERTILISED' and is now in deep conversation with principal.

Ms. Kawahara looks scared. She is not very hard-boiled.

**Day 115**

OOTSUBO STOLE BENNY.

Found ransom note in locker. Seemed to bear eggy stains. Several words were also misspelled.

Have initiated mission 'Retrive Il Yolke!', and enlisted Takao's help

**Day 115, later**

Have heard the words. "Eggcellent shot, Midorima!" too many times during practice.

Must begin stage one now.

**Day 115, even later**

Handed Takao the previously prepared basketball.

He threw it at Ootusbo without warning, who fumbled and tore the 'basketball' (which was made out of papier-mâché) which contained the contents of several... well, you can guess. It was eggsplosive.

Suffice to say, Ootsubo is eggstremely angry, and I am _running very hard_

**Day 116**

Have retrieved BB, but am grievously injured.

The bruise on my leg resembles a Venn diagram.

Dislike Venn diagrams.

Dislike Ootsubo.

Dislike eggs.

**Day 117**

Have passed Social Studies!

Did not actually think I would survive this long.

Rather hungry. Will I fry or scramble Ben-

**Day 117, later**

_**This entry is mostly illegible, as is stained heavily with... eggs?**_

_**The few words that are visible are**_

'WHAT'

'TRIPPED BY'

'NOT EGGSAGGERATING'

'DEATH'

**Day 118**

RIP Benedict Baffetti.

In other news, more impotent rage.

Can feel my blood pressure rising.

* * *

**That's all, yolks! **_**~Gryfo**_


End file.
